Dear Conquer Addiction Mom,
My 25-year-old daughter’s life is a mess. She can’t hold a job, she’s crashed her car and she was kicked out of her apartment after we refused to pay her rent for her. She’s finally admitted being addicted to meth and has asked for our help to go to treatment.
My husband feels that she’s not serious about wanting to stop using and is only agreeing to treatment because she has nowhere else to go. Do you think we should help pay for her treatment?
L.J.
Dear L.J.,
Your husband may be right that your daughter views going to treatment as the easiest way out of her current predicament. However, that doesn’t mean that the treatment won’t work.
There’s a common misconception that people have to “hit bottom” in order to recover from an addiction. I have two problems with this. First, there’s no way of knowing where someone’s “bottom” is, and it’s highly likely your daughter hasn’t told you about awful things that have happened to her while she’s been using. Meanwhile, she is risking death every time she uses. Not only is methamphetamine highly dangerous itself, but street meth is increasingly contaminated with fentanyl and other deadly substances like animal tranquilizers, and your daughter has no way of knowing what she's actually taking.
Secondly, addiction is a disease like any other. The more severe your daughter’s addiction becomes, the harder it will be for her to recover. Can you imagine an oncologist recommending you wait until her cancer gets worse before starting treatment? Of course not!
The good news is that clinicians treating patients with substance use disorder are trained in motivational interviewing techniques. Even if your daughter enters treatment unsure that she wants to stop using drugs and alcohol, there’s a good chance she’ll become convinced of the need to do so.
In fact, in our research, 791 adults with substance use disorder who were asked to go to treatment by their families admitted not being sure they wanted to stop drinking or using drugs at the start of treatment. Surprisingly, 35.5% of these patients reported not using any alcohol or illicit drugs for at least the last 30 days one year after they left treatment. This is only modestly less than the 36.8% abstinence rate for all adult substance use disorder patients, most of whom claimed they would do “whatever it takes” to remain drug- and alcohol-free long-term.
Is treatment guaranteed to work? Unfortunately, no. But your daughter is asking for help, which may not happen again. If at all possible, I would take advantage of this opening and give her the opportunity to turn her life around. From one mom to another, I can say that nothing has blessed me more than my daughter's recovery. I dearly hope you can say the same a year from now.
Joanna